Drunken Confessions
by BEN-Beyond the Elusive Nomads
Summary: Spikes got more than a few scars. Set during alternate 'Life Serial' Written for HC Bingo on LJ.


**Title: ****Drunken Confessions**  
**Prompt:**scars  
**Medium:** Fic  
**Rating**: R  
**Warnings:**abuse, violence, sexual situations, adult language  
**Summary:**Spikes got more than a few scars. Set during alternate 'Life Serial'

Buffy sighed as she sat down her glass with a frown. "I just don't get it. I should be happy I'm alive, right? Th-that's what they want me to feel, right?"

"It doesn't matter what they want." Spike told her, "It matters what you want. What's goin' to make you happy in the end. Cuz if you live life the way they want you to live it, then you're just gonna end up miserable."

"Like you know anything about that." Buffy said glumly as she held out her glass for another refill, "I mean, look at you. You're Spike, the neutered vamp that just doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks of him! The day you live trying to please other people is the day I became a-a gerbil!"

Spike refilled her glass with a quirked eyebrow, "There's a lot you don' know about me, pet."

"Like what?" Buffy asked as she downed her glass, "You like long walks on the beach at sunset?"

"No, how about for the first fifty years of my existence I tried to do nothin' but please other people?" Spike said. Buffy snorted.

"Yeah right. They day you listen is the day – well, I already told you. It's the day I become a gerbil."

"'s true!" Spike protested and filled her glass again, "When I was human, I never did anything for me. I did whatever it was that made my dear old mum happy. Then, when Drusilla turned me, it was all about fitting in with Angelus an' Darla, making sure they wouldn't dust me."

"Right because you're so afraid of Angelus." Buffy snorted.

"I was!" Spike retorted, "I was jus' a fledge when I met him. I'd thought Drusilla was all mine, you know? Didn't take long for Angelus to show me whats what, though. Barely three days after rising and I come back from huntin and what do I find? Drusilla, curled around Angelus like a bleedin' vine. 't was a right shock."

"That should have been a sign that Dru was a big ho!" Buffy countered, "Why'd you stay?"

Spike shrugged, "Don' rightly know. Recon I didn't have anywhere else to go. Dru was the one that made me, raised me from mediocrity and gave me a new beginning. She was my dark princess, my ripe wicked plum, my-"

"If I hear one more pet name of yours for that hobag…" Buffy threatened, making Spike smirk slightly.

"Right. The point is that I was completely enthralled with her. Felt she was the best I was ever gonna get. So after the first few beatin's I learned to just do whatever Peaches told me to do. I was the fledge, an' therefore I was expected to do as I was told. It wasn't till the Boxer Rebellion that I finally managed to give myself a name. An then, Angelus was all stuffed with soul an' what I did didn't matter anymore. Then Darla left to go cater to Bat Face, an' it was just me an' Dru. I thought everythin' was goin' to be okay, you know? Thought I finally got her all to myself."

"What happened?" Buffy asked softly, completely enthralled with his story.

"I tried to claim her." He said solemnly, "and she beat the tar outta me for it."

"Wait – claim?" Buffy asked, "Washat?"

"'s like vampire marriage, but it's for life. It's unbreakable and the ultimate sign of devotion. I thought she would accept, you know? She was always dotin' on me, calling me her dark prince an' what not, and of course I assumed that meant she loved me." Spike shrugged and poured himself another glass, "I was wrong. I still got the scars to prove it."

Buffy winced. She knew how hard it was to scar a vampire – it had to be done with a blessed blade, or at the fangs of another vampire, or fire. The idea that Drusilla would do that to him made her stomach roll. She quickly downed another glass.

"Why didn't you leave?" she asked. Spike shrugged.

"Didn't have anywhere else to go." He said simply, "I was strong, yeah, and the youngest Master Vampire in history, but I'm a right pitiful sod. Loved her so much I pushed it aside and never tried it again. I was just lucky she didn't rattle on to Angelus when he came back. That would've gotten me staked, no doubt 'bout that."

"Where'd you scar?" Buffy asked curiously, "I mean, I know that scar ish from the shlayer in China," she motion vaguely to his eyebrow, "But I don't think I've sheen any others."

"Tha's cuz you haven't seen me starkers." Spike said with a wry grin, mentally acknowledging the graduall slurring of her speech. A blush bloomed quickly across Buffy's face.

"Oh. She, ah, there?" she asked weakly. Spike nodded.

"Didn't hurt anythin' too important, but she made it hurt like a bitch." He said. Buffy grimaced.

"I still think you were insane for staying with her for all those years." She said with a shrug. There was silence for a long moment before Buffy bit down on her lip. Spike recognized it as a sign she wanted to ask something.

"What is it, pet?" he asked as he refilled their glasses.

"I-Its just…you were shoulless…and you loved Drushilla enough to try and bind yourself to her forever. I-I jush wanna know why Angel without a shoul didn't feel the shame way." She said softly. Spike offered her a sad look.

"I don't think you want to know the answer to that one yet, kitten." He said softly. Buffy sighed and again downed her glass. At this point, she was so sloshed he knew that it would be hard pressed getting her home in one piece.

"Shpike?" Buffy asked softly, looking up at him with large puppy dog eyes, "Can I shtay with you tonight? I-I don't wanna go home yet. I don't wanna see how they look at me when they think 'm not payin' them any attention."

"As long as you don't stake me for it in the morning." Spike conceded with a small smile. He stood quickly, "C'mon, pet, you need to get to bed, or at least lay down. You're sloshed."

"Isn't it great?" she said with a smile as she stood shakily, grabbing onto his arm for support. He gently supported her and led her downstairs, where she fluidly flopped onto his bed with a delighted groan. "Sho soft." She purred, burrowing into the covers. Spike rolled his eyes and made to go back upstairs.

"Where'd you think your goin?" Buffy demanded, looking at him through hazy eyes, "I'm not tired yet. Y-you need to shtay down here and entertain me for a while longer, kay? Just until I fall ashleep."

Spike shook his head but dutifully took a seat beside her on the bed, crossing his ankles and his arms. "Sleep, Slayer. You're gonna need it."

"Don't tell me what to do, buster!" she said with a grin before she closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "I just don't want this moment to end, yah know? Cuz for the first time in a real long time I feel kinda happy."

Spike didn't respond and just watched with tender eyes as she drifted off to sleep. When her breathing slowed to a steady rhythm he gently ran the back of his fingers down her cheek.

"I know, pet. I know."


End file.
